We're MOVING!

Hello out there big world!

Well, our word of the year for 2016 was "BRAVE" and that we were.  We traveled, crossed some things on our bucket list, started a new LLC and launched the Lotus Project nationally. Please visit us at http://thelotusproject.us and sign up for our new blog posts and other goodies through that site.

May 2017 bring you love and light!
LaRissa Paras

Reporting Sexual Assault

As an adult in the world it has come to my attention that some seemingly basic ideas like reporting sexual assault are not known to all of our young people.  So, here's the info if you or someone you know needs it.  Save the hotline number in your phone in the event of an emergency.  Hopefully, you will never need it.

1. It is a survivor’s right to report.  Reporting an assault may also help others that have been assaulted.  Reporting can also aid in one’s own recovery.

2. If you are in immediate danger or seriously injured, call 911.

3. Safety first.  Are you in a safe place? If you do not feel safe, find a person you can trust so that you are not alone.

4. Do not blame yourself.  You did not want this to happen.  What happened to you is NOT okay.

5. You have options.  You can…

• Contact Local Law Enforcement

-OR-

• Visit a Local Hospital or Medical Center (these places will provide free exams)

-OR-

• Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1800-656-HOPE (4673)  If you call this number, you will be connected to a LOCAL provider in your area.  They will direct you from there.

DID YOU KNOW?

According the the National Sexual Violence and Resource Center...

• 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18.

• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 16 men are sexually assaulted while in college.

• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men are raped at some point in their lives.

  SEEK HELP IF YOU NEED IT. SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

"You become what you believe." Oprah

If you are constantly bombarded with the same message you start to believe it.  Let's make the messages positive.  

We are frequently shown the "perfect" man or woman in the media.  We are told by the people around us to act a certain way.  We put insane expectations upon ourselves.  All of this can be overwhleming.  

When we talk to ourselves we need to remind ourselves that WE ARE ENOUGH.  We need to fuel ourselves and the people around us with positive messages to become our best selves.  We do not need to be perfect to be great.  And we shouldn't expect others to be perfect either. 

So, do yourself a favor.  Speak kindly to yourself and to the people around you.  Start believing in the goodness of yourself and of each other. 

Be Brave

Sometimes when we think of being brave, we think of putting our physical selves in harms way.  Sometimes that is true.  But sometimes being brave is taking a healthy risk... like starting a new business or traveling to a new place or even trying a new food.  That's my mantra right now... BE BRAVE.

LP

Words...

Sometimes the words we use in our slang have origins that are far from their current intent. For example, there was a time in the early 90s when "bad" was "good" and sometimes when someone has a good performance you'll hear the exclamation, "I destroyed it!".... And the one that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, rape.

Rape.  Rape is unlawful sexual intercourse or other bodily penetration of another person without consent of the victim.

Sometimes I hear people use this word to mean they feel cheated, swindled, or taken advantage of. This is not rape.  This is being cheated, swindled or taken advantage of.  When you use the word rape in place of what you really mean, two things are happening.

1. You are taking a horrifying traumatic event that effects roughly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men (2015) and belittling it.  When you misuse the word you are making it seem like an everyday, annoying nuisance.  You are taking something serious and making light of it.  It is hurtful, even if it's not intentional.  And you never know who is around that has experienced this.  Rape is not something that people tend to announce, like pregnancy or heaven forbid, cancer.

2. You are hurting yourself and lowering your ability to empathize.  When you use a phrase like "I got raped" when referencing a recent exam and not an actual rape, eventually you will see rape as "not a big deal."  When someone at some point in your life confides in you about being raped or you see a news program about it or it's part of a movie, you may be less empathetic.  You may think this is not a big deal.  If you are having a hard time wrapping your brain around this, try this mental exercise: Imagine your sister, wife, boyfriend, son, cousin, basically someone you care deeply about and imagine him or her being pinned down and fighting to keep an aggressor from sexually assaulting him or her.  How we use the word rape matters.  It truly effects people.

Words matter.  How they are used matters. They can lift people up, inspire, or bring people down. So instead of using  the word rape when you're annoyed by something, let's try something else.

Robbed
Cheated
Swindled
Taken advantage of
Beaten
Overcharged
Deceived
Milked
Missed the boat
Fell short
Annoyed

In short, think before you speak.  Be well, LP

Need more information? Click here for the National Sexual Violence Resource Center or RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network.)

Beauty by Stephanie Baar

 

beauty

noun beau·ty \ˈbyü-tē\

: the quality of being physically attractive

: the qualities in a person or a thing that give pleasure to the senses or the mind

: a beautiful woman

Above is the definition of beauty from the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I tend to think of beauty more along the lines of the second definition. The other two certainly follow society’s ideas of beauty, but not what I’ve found for myself.

I’ve found beauty in a lot of things. I’ve found that whenever somebody is talking about something they’re really passionate about, something that excites them, and they’re just rambling on and making hand gestures with their eyes lit up, that it’s just genuinely so beautiful and it makes me smile.

I’m currently taking a class called “Introduction to Greek Art and Archaeology”, which sounds weird, yes, and I’m really just taking it as a humanities class. I didn’t enter the class thinking I was going to enjoy it, and I don’t really. It’s not something I’m especially passionate about, but my professor is. She an older, British woman with graying hair and wrinkles. She’s not somebody society would consider especially beautiful, but I would disagree. She knows so much about the subject and loves to talk about it, and just smiles and cracks jokes that none of us understand, but laugh at anyways. She goes off on tangents and makes all these hand gestures, and just really, genuinely enjoys the subject and it’s the cutest thing ever. Sometimes I just find myself smiling during lecture because it’s amazing to watch the way in which she so obviously enjoys what she does. It’s beautiful, and I wish everybody felt that way about what they do, because I think that would just make the world so much better.

I never used to believe that “it’s what’s inside that matters!”, but it really, really is. There’s nothing wrong with finding some people more attractive than others, that’s completely normal. However, I’ve found that the people I surround myself with, who are so amazing and wonderful, are the most beautiful to me even if they’re not physically perfect. Their personalities and just them being themselves makes me so happy, and I think that’s what beauty is to me. Happiness is beautiful, whether it be other people or myself.

I think that if I were to tell my past self this, I would be really surprised as I used to think more along the lines of the first and third definitions. I’m sure a lot of people do think that way, and I don’t want to fault them for that, but I just don’t see it that way. I really think the most beautiful things are what make us different and happy. I would hate for everybody to be the same, and I think that would take a lot of beauty away from the world.

I Want Us All To Succeed. Why doesn't everyone want this?

October 26, 2015

I am not competitive. Okay, I am sometimes competitive.  The person I compete with the most is myself.  I'm constantly trying to improve, do it better than the last time, be more creative than the last time.

Fall 1993

This weekend I was able to celebrate a competitive achievement that I helped accomplish over 21 years ago.  This past weekend I was honored with my team as we were inducted into the Otsego County Sports Hall of Fame.  Why?  Because in 1994 we worked our tails off to become the Class B State Champions in Competitive Cheer.  We were the first team from our high school to earn such a title.  This was a HUGE deal for us and our community in 1994 and was a pretty big deal this past weekend.

Now, what I was (not so delicately) reminded of this weekend was that I was an alternate.  You know... I was on the team, worked with the team, learned all routines-each person's specific role, stepped into spots, helped coach watch for precision inaccuracies, etc.  Not just a cheerleader's cheerleader, but I did that, too. I laughed with this team, cried with this team, fought for this team, celebrated with this team.  But, during competitions, I "sat the bench."  Now, most of the time, I don't think about this.  Because I was there.  I almost always felt like I was part of the team.  Most of the girls never made me feel like I wasn't important.  My coach didn't either.  I sometimes didn't feel as important, but that is (unfortunately) the nature of being a teenage girl.  (And, I would be lying if I said I never cried over being an alternate.) We sometimes only have a narrow point of view when we are young and that view is "all about me".

As the past twenty-ish years have gone on, I usually only remember the good.  My mind is pretty good like that.  (Thank goodness!)   So, as a couple of grown women tried to make me feel bad this weekend, I got to thinking.  I want us all to succeed.  ALL OF US.  I compete with myself to bring my best to the table as much as possible.  I want all of us - men and women alike - to bring our best and be a success.  It never occurred to me that people might want to use this experience to reignite old wounds. It blows my mind how adults still try to tear one another down.  For what?  Maybe people are very insecure and it makes them feel better.  Maybe the hurt and anger is holding them back from being  their best selves.  I'm not really sure.   I do know that I see this in my high school students and they must learn it from somewhere.  The adults.

These ladies are definitely top notch! 

So, if you are an adult (or not) please be aware of how you treat the people around you.  Not just the little people you might take care of, your good friends, or your significant other.  Be mindful of how you treat the people that might not mean as much to you like the woman at the check out counter, the waiter, your old teammate from high school, your current peers.  Be mindful of how you speak about them once you leave their vicinity.  The young people in your life are indeed watching and learning from you.  Be the example of kindness, compassion and looking at the world from a perspective that is not yours.

And if you're feeling like the world is throwing lemons your way, rise above to the best of your ability.  Attitude is everything.  Let's build each other up instead of tearing each other down. And in the words of my wise mother, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

With the utmost desire for all of your successes - small and great... LP

Collaborating Creative Women!

October 14, 2015

Working with the young women of the Lotus Project never ceases to amaze me.  In our third small group meeting of the year, we developed a short program to do with the elementary school and their program called, Project BLOOM.

These girls brainstormed problems young women faced and how they could best mentor the young ones and steer them in the right direction.  They fed off of each other's energy in such a beautiful way!  It reminded me how vital collaboration skills are and how important it is to listen to everyone.  And it left me inspired.

Learning from the people around me and sharing a common goal makes my heart happy!

Year In Review: Lotus Project 2014-2015

As the school year comes to a close, I am so excited to see the success of the Lotus Project on my girls.  This project is my heart and a lot of time, love and effort goes into it.  To see it embraced and well received by so many young ladies is a true gift.  It takes bravery to start something new and the LP was definitely a brand new adventure for these young women.  These girls are strong!  They are stronger than they know and I hope they continue to uncover this strength.

This school year we had two full sessions.  We worked with a group of sophomore girls in the fall and a group of freshmen in the spring.  Each session had small group activities led by a teacher-mentor.  For a six week session we met weekly to work through curriculum on topics like health, relationships, confidence, relational aggression, gratitude, "putting your best self forward" and goal setting.  We also did weekly journaling and reflection.  And lots of talking!  Developing personal relationships with the girls was the most important and rewarding part of program.  Throughout the entire year, I also had a small group of seniors that acted as mini-mentors and assistants to me.  We did many of the same activities as the underclassmen but we also focused on their needs as seniors embarking on the next chapter of their lives.

In the fall, some of our special activities included:

• Volunteering at the IM3rdMeal Campaign.  We made and packaged sack lunches for kids in our area who might not normally get a third meal of the day.  
  
• Skyped with fashion photographer, author and philanthropist...Nigel Barker!  He spoke with us on true beauty - INNER BEAUTY - and really made an impact on the girls.  
  
• Thought Design!  We spent a day learning at Thought Design in Rockford, MI.  We took a yoga class, learned about healthy stress reduction (including "throwing away" the negative elements in our lives that we later burned in a barrel), had a groove dance session and cooked a full meal FROM SCRATCH.  Some of the girls had never cooked natural food from scratch before.  It was an amazing adventure.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• "Putting Your Best Self Forward" - We had experts from Genesis Salon and Day Spa come in and teach us how to take care of our skin, how to apply make up and create fun hair styles.  Then we had the professional photographer, Beth Hallock, come in for a photo shoot.  It was a good bonding afternoon and our experts made us feel like rock stars!
   
  Spring Session was also great with the freshmen set!
  
  
  • In order to team build and get to know each other  we had an adventure at ARTengage where we took healthy risks (well, for the non artists anyway) and painted a Lotus Flower under the guidance of a pro.  
  • We had a great adventure at the GR downtown YMCA in May.   We did a yoga session, some inner reflection activities, a groove session, had lunch, created art, at played in the pool.  This was a great day to bond with our mentors and dig a little deeper into our best selves.  Words can't express how amazing this was!
  • During Health Week (both sessions) we had many guest speakers, including doctors, nutritionists, peer resistance professionals, and two sessions with Ms. Emily Smith, Miss Pride of the Peninsulas.  She informed us about the importance of mental health and we even ended up raising some funds for the Stomp Out Stigma walk to bring awareness to mental health.  (A few of us participated!)  Our second session with her was about skin care, hair care, age appropriate make up and dressing for our body types.  We also had games and samples.  This second session really put some smiles on the girls faces.   
    
    
    
    
    
    
  
  Senior Girls!
  
  • The seniors this year were able to do a little more volunteering.  In the fall we traveled to a local elementary school and worked with little girls. We did esteem building activities and had a great time girl bonding!  We also volunteered to help at the St. Mary's "Runway on the Rapids" which is a fashion show to help raise money and awareness for Muscular Dystrophy.  We ended up being gifted tickets to the event and we donated our own money at our first (amazing) fashion show!  We plan on contacting this group again for other volunteer opportunities.  
  
  Thanks for a great year ladies!  Mentors, couldn't have done it without you!  LP
  

Leading By Example

We are always asking the girls to look within to find their true heart and best self. We are always trying to lead by example and show the girls that reaching out to others is a way to also make our own hearts happy. 

This past week I was given an honor. I had a young lady name me as her hero for an assignment for English class. In front of her peers she gave a presentation where she said things like...

...compassionate

...leader

...focused

What an honor! Now, these are things I am always striving to do. I never quite feel like I'm there. I still never quite feel like it's enough. But, I will keep fighting the good fight. And leading by example. 

This is what we need to do. Lead by example. If you don't want people to talk behind your back, stop doing it to others. Want friends? Be a friend. Tired of talking about weight? Be the first to stop and make the point to others around you. 

In the Lotus Project we're trying to develop a culture of sisterhood. We need to lead the movement by setting the example and telling our story. We need to encourage the same in our friends, sisters, brothers, fathers and mothers. 

Be the change, LP

Check your mirror...

.We look in the mirror and too often critique what we see. It's hard not to. Today, I asked my LP girls to describe the women they know that are beautiful. We talked about how the beautiful women were compassionate, strong, gracious, funny, confident, and smart. The way they carried themselves and treated others was what made them beautiful. Then, I asked them to look in a mirror and describe how they were important and beautiful. (And yes, I did it, too. One must lead by example even when it's hard.)

Looking in a mirror and telling yourself good things is HARD. And important. Not to do in a "Look at me! I'm so hot! Let's take too many selfies" way, but in a genuine way. Not just what you like about your appearance, but what you like about your humanity and character. A positive, genuine reflection on all you contribute to the world is so important. It reminds of our value to ourselves and the people around us. 

Part of being compassionate needs to start within. If we are kind to ourselves we'll be kinder to the people around us. My senior quote (20 years ago! Yikes!) was, "the beauty in our hearts transforms the world around us." It may sound cliche but it is timeless and holds true. Our inner beauty is what makes us beautiful and does transform the lives of those around us. Start it up again by looking in the mirror and reminding yourself how much you matter and of all of the things that make you special, strong and wonderful.

LP

The picture below is of some of my beautiful lovelies. We were describing the beautiful women that we are, that we know, and what we will continue to strive to become.

Healthy Relationships

How we interact with each other is so important to our growth.  Here's a view of last year's presentation.  Healthy Relationships Prezi

You are valuable!

How often do you step back and think about your value to our world?  I really believe that we all have an import job to play in "our worlds."  We all hold value. 

Today, I'm going to encourage you to say this mantra: I have value. 

You do. The people around you, your friends, your family, the stranger you bump into at the mall, all rely upon the goodness of you.  You have value. 

Do you know anyone that might not see this in themselves? Tell them. Especially young people. Of any age. Write it on a bathroom mirror. Stick it on a post it. Write it on a Facebook wall. Tweet it. Embrace it! 

I have value. So do you. 

Be well, LP

Scars

Last week was Health Week! We had five seminars relating to our health and to healthy relationships. We were blessed to have lovely women role models in the forms of an aesthetician, an OB/GYN, a nutritionist, a RAVE (Relief Against a Violent Encounter) leader, and a behavior specialist to teach drug/alcohol resistance.

At the beginning of the week we learned about taking care of our skin. It made me think about my own scarred skin. I also felt more self conscious for a few days because it was on my mind. By the end of the week we were learning about sexual assault, staying sexually safe and dating violence. Then I was thinking about my old scars. The ones you can't see. And talking to "my girls" about their scars was even more heart breaking than thinking about my own. Because I've survived mine. Theirs are still new. And they will survive. (You will! You have people that love you and want to be your circles of protection!)

All of this got me thinking about scars. Our scars are beauty. They tell a story about our past and something that has happened to us that we have overcome. They remind us that we have gotten better because of it. Some of our scars are on the outside where people can see them and some of our scars are held in our hearts. They all matter, they are a part of us. They've taught us things and helped us grow.

I need to remember that.

Defining a Culture of Sisterhood

This round of the Lotus Project has just started and we're already getting down to it!  We're digging deep and looking within.

There were a few topics on the agenda this week, but the writing towards the end of the session was probably the biggest thing for today.  I asked the girls to write down 10 things they liked about themselves.  Have you ever done that?

Try it now.  I'll give you a few minutes.

It's hard.  Really, really hard for some of us.

But, what if I asked you to write down 10 things you didn't like about yourself? You've probably rattled off your top five in your head while reading this.

Why is that?  Why are we so critical of ourselves and each other?

I posed this question on my FB page last week:  What does the "culture of sisterhood" mean to you?  I had some beautiful answers.  The most reoccurring theme was this: building each other up instead of tearing each other down.  Makes sense.  We should start by building ourselves up personally.  Smile in the mirror.  Say nice things to yourself about your body.  Then share compliments with other people.  Even strangers! Gasp! Imagine how much more pleasant life would be if we genuinely complimented people.

The other reoccurring idea was the concept of positive action and advocacy for the rights of women globally.  Appreciating what we have and working to make it better for others is beautiful.

Empowering ourselves and each other...that's the heart of it.

The Lotus Project is a program to encourage young women to strengthen their inner selves in order to reach their full potential and to recognize the value and beauty each possess. The Lotus Project was the idea of teacher, LaRissa Paras, who continually witnessed students struggling with self image issues and feelings of desperation. When the opportunity to submit a grant proposal to the Greenville Youth Advisory Council came up in 2011, Paras jumped at the opportunity to make The Lotus Project a reality. Because of the continued success of the Lotus Project, another grant has been awarded for this school year. 

The Lotus Project is built on the principles of sisterhood, inner strength, confidence, health, relationships, gratitude, and responsibility. All of these elements put together equal true beauty. The young ladies will be participating in small group discussions (led by amazing mentors) and large group seminars following the aforementioned threads, as well as being involved in other activities including, but not limited to, taking yoga and self defense classes, professional photo shoots, visits from nutritionists and doctors, and will be encouraged to volunteer in the area. The students will also be guided through a series of challenges that involve journaling and self-portraits that encourage the young women to turn their perceived negatives into positives, and stress the uniqueness we should all celebrate!